A "Do Over"

Taking care of your own newborn is one of the hardest yet wonderful things I've ever done, to say the least. It's something that you can't train for yet so much energy is required for it. Last night I was at a breaking point. I cried and I felt hopeless but I pushed through and today I feel renewed. Carly and I made a secret pact - a "Do Over". Today begins our NEW plan.

One of the hardest parts of Motherhood for me right now is the disorganization. I'm very used to having things organized. I know where things are, how to get to them, when things are happening, why, why not, and how to avoid most pitfalls. After all, that is a what I do for a living. Holly and I have a saying, "I Plan Shit". That's me. That WAS me. Now that I've got Carly my saying is, "Shit! Where's my plan???"

Scheduling - newborns don't have SCHEDULES. They just are who they are and need what they need when they need it. That's fine but keeping up with their heavy demands can be a challenge on little sleep.

Sleep - it's rare, not taken all at once but instead in little blips throughout the day, and when you're sleeping your not really sleeping. You're sleeping with one eye open. Lack of sleep = cranky Mommy

Personal Time - None. I'm not sure about you but I can't go #2 when someone is wailing in the next room. So being able to do the tiniest of things alone is always up in the air. This would of course not be a problem if I could schedule my #2s but I cannot (see "Scheduling")

Spouse Time - Again, not something you can plan. You begin to have Mommy & Daddy time and inevitably the baby cries. Or the baby is fine all day but chooses to cry from the time that Daddy walks in the door until the time that Daddy had to go to bed. Which brings me to guilt...

Guilt - This I feel several times a week, particularly when Carly has a bad day. While I know that having a child was a mutual agreement between Eric and I - I also know that Eric needed a lot of coaxing. He loves Carly, that's not the issue, but this newborn phase is not his favorite. I can't help but feel like on some level he resents me for having gotten him in to this in the first place. Has he said that? No. But do I think he's thankful he gets to go to work every day instead of stay home with an unpredictable crying little stinker? Yes. Shoot! I wish I could go to work some days! The good news is that Eric continues to promise me that he's doesn't hate me for getting him in to this mess and that he knows that we'll get through this tough time together. He has also very generously asked me several times if I want him to get a vasectomy. LOL

Joy - With all these challenges there is also an incredible sense of joy in being a parent. I would not want to live without my little cranky monster monkey. She's the fruit of my womb. She's healthy and adorable. I could kiss her soft cheeks until my lips went raw. Not only that, she smells good and she looks REALLY cute in pink. But sometimes you just need a "Do Over"

THE "DO-OVER"

We're having a "do-over" day! I've got to try and get some control over life. Carly and I are starting a new plan! We wake up at 7a.m. instead of 11a.m. From now on, I'm going to be much more vigilant about watching the clock. She eats a full meal and then she has to wait 2.5 to 3 hours to eat again. (No more mid-meal snacking to lull her cries -- it's just not good for any of us!) She takes a few mid-day naps and I nap with her. This, hopefully, will get her bedtime down from midnight to 10pm (ish). During the day she'll get a bath, we'll walk, maybe run 1 errand, and pick up the house a little. I'm going to work on being more conscious about the foods I eat so I'm not loading her up with spicy, gassy foods.

So far it's worked. I feel good and refreshed. She's had a great day -- no crazy crying for no reason. She's napping now and I've got a little me-time but I'm going to lay down in a few minutes.

Sometimes you just need a "Do Over" dammit!